Healing Us - Volume 3

HEALING US - 8/29/23

As I write these words, my childhood neighbor, friend, and honorary aunt, is taking her final breaths on this side. Carrie was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer around the same time my sister, Heather, passed away suddenly in 2021. Throughout the past 2+ years, Carrie has given cancer her all. In June, I gave Carrie a massive hug as she told me how confident she felt that she had finally overcome the worst of it. I will never forget this hug and the spirit I felt radiating within her. Unfortunately, her scans proved otherwise, and Carrie began hospice this weekend. 

Carrie and I have always had a profound spiritual connection. She has shown up for me as a sister, mother, friend, and mentor. I went through a difficult break up during the summer of Covid 2020 and before I moved back to Miami, Carrie gave me the most caring card with a beaded “LOVE” bracelet. As I transitioned into a brand-new reality I never felt alone as I always had Carrie on my wrist reminding me of just how loved I am. Carrie’s impact on my life will live within me forever. 

 I share about Carrie because her passing is one example of loss that has surrounded me lately. Since my sister’s passing it has felt that loss in life is inescapable… Sudden death, slow death, and premature death. Through tangible experience I am learning to embrace death as a part of life’s reality. 

Death undeniably brings forth the most intimate and vulnerable moments of our lives. This June my dear friend's brother passed away unexpectedly. I feel fortunate to have been there to witness and hold space for her and her family during the most intense moments of pain. I will never forget the feeling of being directly on the opposite side of what I had experienced with my sister. Shock, denial, and agony could be felt viscerally through facial expressions alone. This day brought me directly back to the moment I learned about Heather’s death. I gained perspective and empathy for everyone who supported me on 5/31/21. Not surprisingly this experience provoked my own reprocessing of the day my sister's life dissolved out of thin air. Beautifully, I felt closer to Heather than I had in a long time. 

 When someone close to me experiences loss I have a whole new way of relating to their pain. Here is a preview of how I connect to someone who has just experienced the unimaginable rather than expressing sympathy, I share love. 

 My heart is wide open to you, and your family. Oh, the spiritual evolution of this profound and yet confusing life we have the privilege to live brings only trust of our journey here on this side. I can only hope that your loved one will continue to be a part of your life through signs as his soul will never leave you, and I am certain of that. I would love to embrace you with open arms, and share in the depths of your grief, as I have learned grief will never go away, but becomes something we learn to hold with the joys we experience in tandem. I love you so much and know that being strong during this time cannot be easy. Please know you can lean on me in moments where you do not want to be strong. Let me know when you are ready to be held, and I hope to spend much more time together soon.

Grief is love you can no longer express outwardly. Grief is unique for everyone.

If you are experiencing profound grief, loss, or tragedy, and/or know of someone who is suffering please share my name with them. I would be honored to sit next to them as they go through their cycle of grief and create a new purposeful reality. 

Love & light to each of your souls on this side and the other. 

XX, Hilary